The click on my X

Ndiye emva kokuba ndive ukuba bazakuqala isiXhosa apha kwesi sikolo semfundo ephakamileyo…….I really never imagined that as a first language Xhosa speaker I would never be able to speak, pure, untainted Xhosa with no ishaas for the whole day let alone for an hour. In the event that there will be a Xhosa course being introduced to the Rhodes bjourn degree I attempted to get with the program and prove myself worthy of this language. Xhosa people in general are renowned for being unable to speak their language with conviction, something I have always refused to admit. It just hit me and I realised that as a “patriotic” Xhosa speaking individual I really have never spent one day, not one day apart from the days before I could speak English, speaking traditional, home grown Xhosa. I spent the whole of Wednesday morning without having said anything besides Molo (morning) to my roommate who is Zimbabwean and cannot speak a word of Xhosa. I’d told myself that I had to stay clear of all my Xhosa friends of for the day. To my own utter dismay, by the time I got to my first lecturer, even though I had spent time with only my Xhosa friends, they too were no help at all. I had already started mixing all languages with my Xhosa. Now I wonder whether or not I will ever be able to speak proper Xhosa. I wonder if this is even possible.